we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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