Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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