i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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