Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i've created a new STD.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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