I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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