The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
