I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
