I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
