no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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