You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
