my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Let's get the cat blown out
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
