I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
