Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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