You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
