capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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