I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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