the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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