awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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