i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
