and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
