arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
