There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
