Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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