You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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