if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
