i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
