Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And then my night got REAL pukey
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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