just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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