it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Mom said you looked used
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
