$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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