if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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