I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
