Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
