you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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