Porn is love you can see.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
