i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
