i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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