This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
