I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
