He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
