why didn't you poke me back
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
