That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
wow bdsm is so cute
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
