woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
