You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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