he was CRYING into my vagina
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
