How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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