So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
