who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
