how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
