she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
