Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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